So it is about 9:22, and now that everyone is gone it is time for me to have my nightly breakdown. I took that picture about 30 seconds before the tears started rolling out and my head got all stuffy like it usually does.
I don’t want anyone and I mean anyone to see me when I am in a time of weakness, people need to see me when I am strong when nothing is holding me down. It is funny though because when I get on here and start typing I will spill my guts so people know that I do have the occasional...well daily breakdown. It generally happens when everyone is gone, and if it is when I am at home it is in my room, and if Cassie is there...well generally I will do it in front of her because I just can’t help it. I do not want her to have a sick boyfriend, and I really want to be able to go out and have fun with her because she is a riot.
Anyways, today I felt pretty shitty, sick to my stomach at times, and felt like really that I just didn’t want to do a damn thing. Really it is the first day that I have felt like this...well I did a little yesterday, but not as bad as today. Today my older brother Jamie came and saw me, it was really nice to see him. He stayed for awhile, went and got me Shrimp Tempura which I have been craving since before my treatments have started. We talked about games and nerd stuff which was nice because there is no one here to talk to about that really while I am at the hospital...well or anywhere but around my brother or adam or derek. Then after my brother left my Sister Jill, her boyfriend Derek, and all of our friend Dain came to see me. It was really nice to see all them even through I don’t really want anyone to actually see me like this. Then while they were here my mom came, and she stayed until about 8 or so. She brought me a new hat, it is from Ireland, I was pretty excited.
She stayed for awhile, and while she wasn’t here for about 20 minutes Cassie’s dad came and saw me. It is always really nice to see him, he always puts a smile on my face! He is a very nice man, and I understand why Cassie is the way she is and who she is the more and more that I talk to him.
I got some nice IM’s and texts today from some friends I haven’t seen in awhile. I should be seeing Nick tomorrow too, which makes me happy because he is a really good friend that I wish I got to see more! Then my friend Reid is probably going to stop up before he heads back to Clarkson tomorrow to finish up this semester, haven’t seen him in forever so that will be nice. Then Also I am expecting my friend Casey to come see me. I haven’t seen her since one night randomly downtown when a bunch of my friends and I went out drinking, so it should be really nice to see her tomorrow if she makes it up this way and chat with her some!
I hope Cassie can make it up tomorrow too, I didn’t get to see her today and even though it has only been one day, I miss her. She had a pretty bad Migraine today and I can understand that, pretty sure she is passed out right now! More power to her, I should be getting my Ambien soon and doing the same thing!
So anyways, I think I am going wrap this up for now, but I will talk to you all again tomorrow,
Have a great night people,
The Tech!
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