Home from treatment week 2

So I am home from treatment, and feel....like crap.

I hate to be down, and I hate to let people see me that I am down. This may take me a little while for me to type, because right now my finger tips a bit in pain, and a bit numb.

I am really trying to keep this page going so people can keep up with me, and keep up with whats going on in my life, and make it so people in the future can learn from my experiences.

I know this may sound crazy, but I was just having a conversation with one of my friends, well ex-girl friends that is actually a very good friend now. Today though my girlfriend and I broke up, not because I was mad at her, or because she was mad at me, but because she and I have a lot going on. I have chemo and all this shit, and she has school and we are better as friends, which is nice that I can still have a friend in her and support for me while I battle through what I am.

Anyways, I said to my friend, that this may sound morbid, and this may sound crazy, but I mean I wish by this time in my life even though I am only 24 I wish that I had a son or daughter now and been married and still happily married. Now that there is anyone in specific that I would have wanted to have done this by now. Well maybe there is but that is for a later date. (shhh its her) Haha I know your probably reading this right now and you know who you are!

Anyways, to keep things simple for now, after talking to her I have been feeling a lot better today, not my body really but my soul. She has cheered me up and I want her to know that. You are a great friend, and I am so happy that you are happy in your life. I love you and always will, you know that.

I am going to end all of my blogs, or a lot with:

I WILL BARREL THROUGH THIS!

Right now I am battling myself and my cancer and what to do about a lot of things right now, and anyone and everyone please feel free to IM me, email me, whatever leave me a comment because they all mean so much to me.

I love you all, some people in more ways than others (you know who you are)

Talk to you maybe later when I have calmed down a bit.

-The Tech

Treatment: Hospital Week 2 Day 5

So I am spending one more night here. Tomorrow they will give me a shot of Nulasta to keep my white count up when I get home. I need to talk to the doctor a little bit tomorrow about my appetite and feeling sick and pain and all that shit. Tonight though I am not really one for talking, I am in the process of trying to get my organization together more than ever. I really need to get my act together and not let me chemobrain take that over. So here goes. I am going to sleep on it tonight, try and be calm...sleep it off tomorrow when I am home, and try and make a real effort and all that to try make my dream a reality.

Goodnight Everyone, sorry this one was so short.

-The Tech

Treatment: Hospital Week 2 Day 4

Today, has been the worst day that I have had yet since I went through treatment. I cried this morning when I got up. cried before Reid and Hillary got here, Cried before Casey got here and have just had a bad fucking day. I was fine when every body was here today. I miss everyone, and unfortunately I didn’t get to see Cassie again today. Thats ok though, she was sick and hasn’t slept so we didn’t need two of us that were miserable for most of the day in the same spot.

Like I said when I started this, I CAN BARREL THROUGH THIS!

It wasn’t until my mom left that I have just had what is probably my biggest breakdown yet, my nurse has just got to experience the end of it and it is the first down I have broke down in from of the nurses. I try to stay strong in front of them, because they say they admire me for that, I DO LIVESTRONG, and I always will, but I guess everyone needs to lost it from time to time to let some stress out. Its not like I am mean or violent, I just cry and cry hard, I think harder than I ever have in my entire life, and believe me...I have cried.

This treatment though, it just has been draining me, and I cannot take it anymore, I am glad tomorrow is the last day for this round so that I can just go home and rest, sleep for about a week, watch TV, see Cassie, my dogs, the rest of my family, and hopefully just relax. Lacey was talking about coming and hanging out with me at home I guess (my brothers lovely wife), which it would be nice to have someone to hangout with during the days to keep me kind of active and not just quiet and by myself all day.

I really have to say today though, not to feel sorry for myself has definitely been the worst day yet. I can not control my emotions, it really really sucks. I haven’t watched TV all day, no movies, I was pretty much quiet and in my own little world all day except for when my friends were here.

I really miss my life, I miss working, my friends, and even the people I don’t like at work or where ever. I just wish things were back to normal already, it sucks. It is bad when I WANT to see the people I don’t like. None the less I want it all back.

I CAN AND WILL BARREL THROUGH THIS!

I have to keep telling myself that tonight because I am still crying and it is just not like me. I do not do this, and I HATE it with a passion when people see me do it. I guess it shows that I do have both sides too me though, not that I am just some tough guy, cause I am not always as tough as I make it out to be (even though I would like too be haha).

I barely ate anything today, ate some pizza, a falafel patty, some banana bread, and drank some coke and ginger ale. I really thing I could have went for a beer today. I am really thinking about talking to my doctor tomorrow about the Mirinol Pill, which is basically THC in the pill form. I would have never dreamed of asking him about it, and still am not sure if I will, but I think it will help me with a lot of my problems. Sleeping, nausea, appetite, anxiety, pain, and lots of other shit. I am not a big pot smoker anyways, I try to stay away from any and all smoking.

I just had a really good conversation with my Nurse, Jessica, that is on for the night shift about Mirinol, she said I should definitely ask my doctor cause she won’t look at me like I am crazy because it is legitimate and it is not like I am a big pot smoker like I was just telling her about because I was telling her about my blog and why I am doing it and I was telling her how I was feeling.

I mean I am not going to lie here, in the past I have tried a lot of different drugs, many that I will never ever ever touch again and will not discuss any further than this with almost anyone, but pot has always been one that when I have felt sick or anxious or stuff like that I have smoked from time to time and the THC in it has made me feel better. I am in no way condoning illegal drug use here, but I feel like that are certainly not being used for the good they could be doing for a lot of people, especially cancer patients.

So I think tomorrow I will speak to my doctor about it, or my Nurse Practitioner about trying it out, because I definitely need something that is a cure-all right now, and if that is what it is going to be, and they are willing to try and give it to me, then why now, anything to make myself better and make myself feel better even if it is temporarily.

I WILL BARREL THROUGH THIS!

I am feeling much better that I have blogged tonight and got some stuff off of my chest. I miss all you people that may be reading this, and even the people that I don’t know now or may never know now, thank you for all of your support, and thank you for reading. Please pass this site along to friends and family, people that might want to read about someone else’s battle with cancer, because I know how usefull it can be to hear about other peoples experiences!

So once again, Thanks for reading and being there for me,

-The Tech

Treatment: Hospital Week 2 Day 3

So it is about 9:22, and now that everyone is gone it is time for me to have my nightly breakdown. I took that picture about 30 seconds before the tears started rolling out and my head got all stuffy like it usually does.

I don’t want anyone and I mean anyone to see me when I am in a time of weakness, people need to see me when I am strong when nothing is holding me down. It is funny though because when I get on here and start typing I will spill my guts so people know that I do have the occasional...well daily breakdown. It generally happens when everyone is gone, and if it is when I am at home it is in my room, and if Cassie is there...well generally I will do it in front of her because I just can’t help it. I do not want her to have a sick boyfriend, and I really want to be able to go out and have fun with her because she is a riot.

Anyways, today I felt pretty shitty, sick to my stomach at times, and felt like really that I just didn’t want to do a damn thing. Really it is the first day that I have felt like this...well I did a little yesterday, but not as bad as today. Today my older brother Jamie came and saw me, it was really nice to see him. He stayed for awhile, went and got me Shrimp Tempura which I have been craving since before my treatments have started. We talked about games and nerd stuff which was nice because there is no one here to talk to about that really while I am at the hospital...well or anywhere but around my brother or adam or derek. Then after my brother left my Sister Jill, her boyfriend Derek, and all of our friend Dain came to see me. It was really nice to see all them even through I don’t really want anyone to actually see me like this. Then while they were here my mom came, and she stayed until about 8 or so. She brought me a new hat, it is from Ireland, I was pretty excited.

She stayed for awhile, and while she wasn’t here for about 20 minutes Cassie’s dad came and saw me. It is always really nice to see him, he always puts a smile on my face! He is a very nice man, and I understand why Cassie is the way she is and who she is the more and more that I talk to him.

I got some nice IM’s and texts today from some friends I haven’t seen in awhile. I should be seeing Nick tomorrow too, which makes me happy because he is a really good friend that I wish I got to see more! Then my friend Reid is probably going to stop up before he heads back to Clarkson tomorrow to finish up this semester, haven’t seen him in forever so that will be nice. Then Also I am expecting my friend Casey to come see me. I haven’t seen her since one night randomly downtown when a bunch of my friends and I went out drinking, so it should be really nice to see her tomorrow if she makes it up this way and chat with her some!

I hope Cassie can make it up tomorrow too, I didn’t get to see her today and even though it has only been one day, I miss her. She had a pretty bad Migraine today and I can understand that, pretty sure she is passed out right now! More power to her, I should be getting my Ambien soon and doing the same thing!

So anyways, I think I am going wrap this up for now, but I will talk to you all again tomorrow,

Have a great night people,

The Tech!

Treatment: Hospital Week 2 Day 2

So it is once again about 8:30 pm, and I am writing my blog, I think this is going to be a pattern, at least while I am in the hospital because this is about the time that all my visitors end up leaving.

Tonight my mom came in pretty early, and stayed until about 7 or 7:30. Cassie had come in around 6:30 or so, which it was nice to see her on Thanksgiving as well as my dad. Also one of our old family friends came in to visit me who I haven’t seen in awhile. I was friends with her daughter when we were very little and she was very sick.

So today the chemo was a little worse than yesterday, I felt kind of sick earlier, but after some Zofran and other drugs that went away. RIght now the treatment is still pumping through me, it has got a little time left yet, so it will probably be another late night. I am a bit nervous because I am really losing my appetite, and I am not eating nearly as much as I should be. Even things I like like Ben and Jerry's....I took 3 bites and was like...huh no! That is not at all like me. As you can see by the picture above I am sporting a smile, that is a picture I just took a little while ago. I think tomorrow I am going to talk to my Oncologist about Marinol, to help with both my appetite and anxiety, and that may be able to knock out the Ativan, which would be nice! The Ativan doesn’t seem to do much for me anyways, that is unless one night I may have taken double the dose I was supposed to, oops, but it did one hell of a job.

Anyways, I am pretty excited because my friend Nick is planning on coming and seeing me on Saturday and I haven’t seen him in awhile, really I can’t wait. There are a few more people that I wish would come and see me, but its ok...I kind of had a falling out with some of them.

Anyways, I am getting rather tired...it is only about 9:15, so I think I am going to hit the hay.

All in all I am feeling a little under the weather today, but I try not to show it!

Hope to hear from you all soon!

Remember IM me (D315G) or email me (thetech@astoldbyatech.com)

Have a good night,

-The Tech

Treatment: Hospital Week 2 Day 1

So its the day before Thanksgiving, and I am in for my second round of 5 day treatment. I have not updated this in awhile but, after my first week of treatment I wasn’t feeling too crappy, until a few days later I came down with something and my immune system was shot so of course my body couldn’t fight it off. So I ended up in the Emergency Room, thinking that I may have the swine flu with a fever.

Lets pause for a second. This SUCKED. I spent another 5 days in the damn hospital, this time not for chemo, but because I was actually sick. So by now I had spent 11 days in the hospital by the 17th of November, and I only started my treatments on the second.

So after that fun trip, I went home and was scheduled to go to the doctors office for my Bleomycin treatment on Thursday the 19th. Well lets just say that I didn’t quite get my treatment. When I went to the office they noticed (which I should have) that my heart was in an irregular rhythm! Imagine that, I have had heart problems my whole life, and I didn’t even realize something was going on. I guess it is because I have been feeling off from the chemo treatments. Anyways, I went to my Cardiologist, and determined that I was in Atrial Fib. So now the story gets more fun! My doctor played around with my Pacemaker (OMG yes I have one for those of you that didn’t know that) and I was then admitted to 4 North at Crouse Hospital in Syracuse. They gave me some drugs, Rhythmol (has another name google it if you want to know more) which took me out of A-Fib, and put me back into a Sinus Rhythm (GO ME!).

So I went home the next day, which would have been the 20th, got some rest and was ready for the weekend...which meant sleep, lots of sleep because of the damn chemo drugs still messing with my system. Sunday though we celebrated Thanksgiving! It was a nice dinner with my mom, dad, brother, sister in law, little sister, her boyfriend Derek (hopefully future brother in law because I like him and he is super cool) and of course I can’t forget Cassie <3.>

So then next day, the 23rd, I went to the doctor for a little checkup with my Oncologist. They drew some blood, because they are so good at it there, and then I saw my doctor. He is such a nice guy, and very caring. I can’t imagine having his job. He see’s so many people that are in pain, has to give people the news that they do or don’t have cancer, and just has to see so many sick people that are having what is probably the hardest time of their lives. I have to give him credit, he always has a smile on his face, and always has a positive outlook. Anyways, now that I have told you all that he came into talk to me, and said, “we need to stop the Bleomycin, I am afraid that since it gave you a rash that it could give you a worse reaction if we keep giving it to you.” Forgot to tell you that, the Bleomycin gave me a rash on my shoulders and back, and that is the most dangerous drug arewere giving me. So now my treatment will not be three 5 day treatments in the hospital, it will be four :( hey anything to make myself better though!

So now, it is the 25th, and I am sitting here typing away, chatting with friends on AIM, and watching Myth Busters, because I love this damn show. Beyond that I think I had the best wrap ever from the Pita Pit. It was Tuna, BBQ sauce, onions, lettuce, and Jalapenos on a white pita....oh god was it delicious. My mom went and got it for me...I might get the same thing tomorrow if I and feeling adventurous again! My mom stayed tonight until about 8:30, she is here with my everyday. My dad, brother and sister come in when they can. I don’t ever say it, but I love them all so much, and I don’t know where I would be without all of them and all of their support throughout my life and all that I have been through. I love you guys, and thank you for everything.

I think for now I am going to have to say goodnight though, I am feeling kinda crappy now that they have started the meds, but I am going to start updating every day from now on. Even after my treatments are done, because I want a record of my life for future generations to see. Whether they be my kids or grand kids if I have them in the future or my brother and sisters kids and grand kids, so they can know who I am or was, whatever the case may be at that point. I know that may sound a bit morbid, and I don’t plan on passing away anytime soon haha. I guess I would have to say I am not just doing it for that though. I am doing it for other people if they come across it to show them that they can get better, and even though life can be a struggle it is worth living, even if you do have to suffer a little.

So I thought I was going to say goodnight a couple minutes ago, but I got thinking again. I really want to start a support center, one for cancer patients, family, survivors, and people affected by any type of cancer and people of any age in the Central New York Area. If anyone can help me, in anyway or give me an idea of who to talk to or where to start with this that would be incredible. I want it to be non-profit, I just want to help people because I now know actually how hard it can be going through this. It really messes with your head and sometimes you just need someone to talk to. I won’t lie, some nights I find myself crying myself to sleep, not because I feel bad for myself, I have a very good outlook on life, but it is uncontrollable. I want to have a support network that can help people that need help with things like that at all hours, any day, no matter what, and of course I am going to need a group of like minded people to help me! So if you have any ideas or help you can shoot my way please let me know. My email is on the page called “The Tech”, but here it is too,thetech@astoldbyatech.com.

Ok so now that I have that out, I am actually wrapping this up for the night, feel free to IM me or text me or email me or whatever (I know a lot of or’s). I will probably be up pretty late tonight.

More Tomorrow,

-The Tech

So lets blog since I'm awake

So it is about 6:10 pm, I am awake, really got an ass kicking today from treatment, but I think that was from the build up from the rest of the week, and the fact that we started my treatment at 3 am today.

Lets fast forward though, cause I had a very boring/sick day...I slept a lot, was loopy a lot, and also just didn’t do a lot. I am having an interesting time of ups and downs...as in my mood. I will wake up once be energetic....fall asleep again, and then be completely miserable. I am trying to find a balance, things to keep me positive. My friends and family have helped with that, I loved you all.

There are a lot of people I am meeting via twitter....look for me there @ommegang. They are very supportive on there.

I am trying to also start something big here, that will of course start small and hopefully be something that everyone can benefit from. Check out the rest of my site, gimme some feed back. Any help I can get would be incredible, or advice!

email me: thetech@astoldbyatech.com
Twitter: @ommegang
AIM: d315g


Thanks everyone,

The Tech!

Thursday...Day 4...and its hitting me

So I have finally started to lose appetite as of yesterday, and beyond that I am on ups and downs of energy, right now I am on an all time low. It is kind of scaring me. I am trying stay positive....keep my cheery attitude! I will write more later though cause my stomach is starting to bother me...

Peace Out,

-The tech

End Of Treatment Day 2

So it about 8:15 pm, on my Second day of treatment. The end of the day, I only finished my last drug about a half an hour ago. Hopefully they will be able to start things a little bit earlier tomorrow so that I can get it over with...not that I have anywhere to be.

My Cardiologist came and saw me today, and he was pretty happy with how I was doing thus far, as well as my Oncologist.

Right now I am watching that new series V, which is actually based off of an old series, so I am having trouble concentrating on both. Not only that but I am having trouble getting comfortable! I think tonight I am going to have them give me Ativan, because I had soooooo much trouble sleeping last night!

That is all for now,

-The Tech

The Morning After My First Treatment

So it is currently 9:50 am, and I barely slept last night. I think that has to do with the fact that I have been working 3rd Shift for awhile now and my whole sleep schedule has been thrown off.

So far I don’t have any weird side effects, other than the slight metallic taste that I had in my mouth last night when they gave me the Cisplatin. My nurses so far have been nice, they haven’t been the old mean ladies, actually a lot of young nurses that are probably around my age, which at times makes me a little uneasy.

Jill is here with me, I am watching TV and she is attempting to work on homework. She opened the blinds for my room, and we can see some of the work that they are doing out the window.

I used my electric razor today to shave my face, and it really ate up my neck, I don’t think it probably helps that I haven’t actually shaved my face in at least a year, so it is definitely not used to it.

Well that is all for now,

-The Tech

Treatment Day 1

So it is currently 9:50 am, and I barely slept last night. I think that has to do with the fact that I have been working 3rd Shift for awhile now and my whole sleep schedule has been thrown off.

So far I don’t have any weird side effects, other than the slight metallic taste that I had in my mouth last night when they gave me the Cisplatin. My nurses so far have been nice, they haven’t been the old mean ladies, actually a lot of young nurses that are probably around my age, which at times makes me a little uneasy.

Jill is here with me, I am watching TV and she is attempting to work on homework. She opened the blinds for my room, and we can see some of the work that they are doing out the window.

I used my electric razor today to shave my face, and it really ate up my neck, I don’t think it probably helps that I haven’t actually shaved my face in at least a year, so it is definitely not used to it.

Well that is all for now,

-The Tech